Wednesday 17 July 2013

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Biography


Source(google.com.pk)

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back , "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Lawyers...You gotta love 'em.

Naughty Answers

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,

" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
****************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
***********************************

Husband asks:
"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
E very-time

Wife replies:
" No,......
It means:
W ith
I diot
F or
E ver !!!"
*****************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack
& our driver ran away
*********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my
son, THAT is confidential.

Deer and a boy
A boy kills DEER & cooks it &
doesn't tell friends what it is.
He gives a clue
"Its what my girlfriend calls Me!..
- See more at: http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2012/05/very-short-funny-jokes.html#sthash.b5nhBMI4.dpufDad – Dear, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son – no way..
Dad - She is the daughter of world's richest man.
Son – then its done.
Then his dad goes to that richest man..
Dad - I want your daughter to marry my son.
Rich man – nope
Dad: He is the COO of world bank.
Rich man – then its done.
Then Dad again goes to president of bank.
He asked – appoint my son the COO of the world bank.
Him – Never
Dad: – He is the son in law of World's richest man.
Him – then its fine.

THIS IS Smartness...!!

------

The only thing our students want to hear from you, sir, is how to engineer jobs in the current market!

*****

Boss:

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

Interpretation: It is true when your boss shares something witty, you must laugh otherwise he might feel insulted and your promotion can be stopped. So whether they are funny or not, everyone laughs at them.

Employee : Boss, you called me?
Boss : Yes, go to home and make love with your wife.
Employee : (After an hour) ,done sir
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : Done again, sir.
Boss : Do it once more
Employee : Now I don't have
stamina for it, sir.
Boss : Very good,here are my car
keys, drop my daughter at home.

Explanation: What a smart and proactive boss. He is so doubtful about his employee or daughter that he makes his worker to tried before sending his daughter with him. But anyhow it was a funny experience. Isn't it?

Driver:

Are you afraid of dying alone? Become a bus driver.

Interpretation: How witty! This joke tells that we all need company to something daring. They are not suggesting how to avoid suicide but giving you idea to be bus driver because there are hundreds more people who can go heaven/hell to accompany you.

Relationship:
Interpretation: This joke shows How complicated some relationships are! It doesn't matter how much efforts you put in to improve, there are always some reasons to fight for. It is just like a fat girl who never takes pain to lose weight.

One day, a 7 year old boy went to visit his grandmother. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV-set is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs makes me feel good and the comedies makes me laugh. I'm happy with my it as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV-set, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, trying to get it focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood his grandpa's old friend, now the grandma's minister.
The minister said: "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!"

Husband-Wife:

Whenever they ask me why females don't gamble as much as males do?
I just give them a uncommon smart reply: Their total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.

Husband: I am feeling so happy while seeing your friend.
Wife: Yeah, I can see your happiness through your jeans.
Interpretation: Yeah, you must be feeling so funny! But it is true that men are like dogs. Girls always know their weak point and males get excited when they notice beautiful girls. Although your wife can see your intentions through your changed behavior, so be cautious!

---

Once a man questioned his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me any fortune?"

"Dear hubby, I'd have married you... NO Matter who left you a fortune!" She replied softly.

---

Every girl need 4 pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all!

---

One day, little Sam was at the park playing when he saw his dad and aunt walk behind the bushes.
He followed them quietly.
What he saw surprised him a lot. Sam ran home and told his Mother... Guess what I saw today!
"How should I know" Mom replied.
"You know, dad at aunty went into the bushes and aunty took off dad's jacket and then..."
"Stop, it is better you to wait until you daddy gets back to home and we have dinner to finish your story?" mom said.
"Fine" said Sam.
And when they were all having dinner, Sam started..
"and then Dad did to Aunt what Uncle did to Mom while Dad was out...."

---

Husband comes home from a tough time of work and finds his wife laying in front of the fire place with her legs wide open.
He asked, "Dear, what are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."

---

"What a pleasant surprise.. You came home early" Wife speaks so gladly.
I was forced to do it. I have to obey what my boss told me to do. He ordered: "GO TO HELL"

---

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.

---

A girl worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A boy never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

Funny Jokes Really Funny Jokes Pictures Wallpapers

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